‘Every legend has a beginning’ claims the poster. However on leaving the screening of Pan I wondered if every legend requires telling.
Pan presents us with the origin story of the young Peter from his days in a London orphanage to being snatched away in what can only be described as a child trafficking scheme between a devious nun and space pirates.
Sadly for an origin tale there is so much that is inexplicable in the storyline. Peter’s mum catapulting over gates in a single bound as the film opens is an entertaining opening. However given that we then see her leave Peter on the orphanage steps we can only presume he has been up her coat the whole time. I know it’s fantasy and I know that fantasy requires the suspension of disbelief. This suspension of disbelief should though still require some rationale.
The most inexplicable moment occurs when Peter arrives in Neverland to be greeted by a pirate/orphan choir rendition of Nirvanas’ Nevermind. Out of nowhere and out of context left to be blindly accepted by a watching audience the song sadly sticks out like a sore thumb much like the distractingly bad 3D.
Hugh Jackman gives his best panto performance as Blackbeard chewing scenery so hard you can practically see the teeth marks on set. This combined with the incredibly annoying low-budget Harrison Ford as Indy performance of Garrett Hedlund as Hook. Every time he places his hand in water I prayed the CGI crocodile (so emphatically teased throughout) would do us all a favour and eat him whole.
Pan has already had its release stateside and has taken a fair kicking while (according to reports) flopping spectacularly.
I went in hopeful having heard some Hugh Jackman promotional interviews. I left finding it very hard to disagree with those reviewing across the Atlantic.
*Pan is released in UK cinemas on 16th October. Thanks to Moviehouse for screening access.